WASHINGTON - Vice President Dick Cheney “accidentally” shot and wounded a companion during a weekend quail hunting trip in Texas, spraying the fellow hunter in the face and chest with shotgun pellets.

Harry Whittington, a millionaire attorney from Austin, was in stable condition in the intensive care unit of a Corpus Christi hospital Sunday.

Representative Nancy Pelosi, when reached by the AP for comment, said “Look, we all know this wasn’t an accident, okay? Mr. Whittington might be a friend of the Vice Presidents, but his firm in Austin is also independently investigating corruption in the contract-bidding process for Iraqi reconstruction projects. You starting to get it, now?”

Senator Harry Reid elaborated, “This was obviously an assassination attempt on an innocent man who happened to be sticking his nose in places that made the President uncomfortable, with Mr. Cheney serving as the hitman for ‘President’ Bush. I will be demanding an independent counsel investigation into this matter immediately.”

Banko said Whittington was in the intensive care unit because his condition warranted it, but he didn’t elaborate. Whittington sent word through a hospital official that he would have no comment on the incident out of “respect” for Cheney.

“Respect?”, sniffed Mr. Reid. “More like fear for his life. Once again, George W. Bush is responsible for ruining the life of a good American.”

President Bush referred all comments to his attorney, Harriet Miers. Her office did not return several phone calls.

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Satire, by the way - but you know that’s the story the AP would love to write.