A friend of mine noticed that a gaming website, Gaming Horizon, was putting out a “help wanted ad” for staff writers. He wheedled and cajoled me into submitting for an online application.

For your enjoyment, and to prove I made a valiant effort, here’s my submission to GH’s questionnaire. Questions from GH bolded by me.

***

Good afternoon, Shiva.

I’m communicating with you from my employer, which has blessed me with both an internet connection and ample time to waste. Let’s hear it for the workplace of the new millennium! To begin…

“Positions are currently on a volunteer-only basis, but when we are able to set up a payment system (and trust me when I say that this is the goal here for everybody), those who stuck with us through the freebie time will certainly be remembered.”

Writing for free doesn’t really bother me, in all honesty. I do plenty of that now as it is. I write for the love of writing, as I game for my love of gaming. It only makes sense that the two would form a certain synergy which I admit to finding attractive. Moving on to the essentials…

“1. Have you been through this game before? Have you had any previous experience in this field, or in professional writing?”

No. I’m a pure hobbyist, nothing more.

“2. Do you currently work for another gaming website? Do you currently work for, own, or otherwise operate any other site? Can I have a link to your blog?”

a. No.
b. No.
c. http://danceswithidiots.blogspot.com

“3. What kinds of writing do you typically engage in (creative, non-fiction, erotic poetry, etc)?”

I’ve dabbled with creative fiction in the past, based primarily around PnP and Online RPG’s. Now, my work is generally restricted to nonfiction political and social commentary located on my blogsite (new site currently under construction).

“4. What systems do you own, including handhelds and PC (if PC, detail with specs, please)? Do you have a preferred system?”

I previously owned a PS1, and currently own a PS2, which is gathering an impressive amount of dust in my entertainment center. I have an outdated Alienware gaming PC with an Athlon XP 1900+, 2gb of DDR RAM, an ATI 9800 Pro and SCSI hard drive / CDR.

My experience with Alienware has been such that all of my subsequent PC purchases will be directed to them, until such a time as they disappoint me.

“5. What’s your favorite game/genre/character? Why?”

Tough call.

The game which most enthralled me is still… Counter-Strike. While I fell off that bandwagon sometime in 2004, it remains the single most powerful influence on me as a gamer to this day. Formed a clan, which became tremendously popular in our little corner of the internet, and made friends who’ve followed me to this day, to different games and genres. Monday through Friday, I spend my entire workday chatting with them in IRC about… well, about -everything-. We have lans which draw people from ten states, Canada and Israel, even though we haven’t played competitive CS in two-plus years.

Cult of personality, indeed.

Since CS, my time has been consumed by MMO’s - Primarily Shadowbane, which we played as a clan for around 18 months, and World of Warcraft, which we’ve been involved in since release.

I’m also a lover of turn-based strategy games - namely the Civilization and Heroes Of Might and Magic series.

About the only thing I can’t really abide are real-time strategy concoctions. Primarily because I suck at them. Can’t win ‘em all, right?

“6. What’s your most respected game company? Why?”

Well, here we go with the loaded questions! That’s like asking me “Who’s your favorite politician?”, or “What is your favorite major media outlet?”. It’s like… trying to measure varying degrees of sucking. What gamer doesn’t have gripes with virtually every game designer or publisher in existence?

If I had my head on the block and you asked me “Who sucks the least?”, I’d probably start with Mythic. They’re still one of the only gaming companies to release an MMO to a major market which had what could be called a “successful” launch, and from my experience with Dark Age of Camelot, their server stability, customer service and “bug fixing” of their own game has been without peer, in my experience. Certainly, they have their own issues which take healthy swipes at their image (Trials of Atlantis, anyone?), but overall, my opinion of them as a game designer is “respectful”.

Blizzard might have made the list, but like most WoW customers, I’m highly disappointed in them for a plethora of reasons.

Valve? One word: STEAM.

7. “What do you think you’d bring to the table for GH, i.e., why do you think you’d be worth hiring for our audience?”

I bring both a passion for PC gaming and a writing style that, when I apply myself, wins fans. Even people who are diametrically opposed to my viewpoints compliment me both for the quality of my writing, and my ability to logically dissect and analyze virtually any issue. There are people who read my blog who really get riled up when they’re through a post, but will still log into IRC to hash it out and, maybe, laugh over it.

I am, by nature, an opinionated and outspoken bastard. This lends itself well, in my opinion, to the task of reviewing anyone else’s work or product.

“8. Why are you interested in GH, and what do you hope to accomplish here if your writing survives my brutal butchering and you’re hired?”

I’m interested in any opportunity to write, and have my work critiqued by an audience. I’d hope to impress your audience enough to establish myself as something of a “professional” writer - even if I’m unpaid for the effort. It is never less than uplifting to be complimented for your work, particularly in a creative field like art or literature. Being “hired” on to do something on a professional basis with no official education in the field? How cool would that be?

What can I say - I crave ego boosts.

“And don’t worry about a “right” or “wrong” answer. I just want to see how you think.

What’s your opinion of the Nintendo Wii controller? Do you agree with some gamers who claim that Sony has stolen Nintendo’s controller scheme, and if so, why? Do you anticipate that Microsoft may release a motion-sensor controller in response?”

Honestly? I don’t know much of anything aside from some warbling at Penny Arcade. I haven’t been an avid console gamer since shortly after the PS2 release, and don’t intend to be anytime soon.

I could Google plenty of info on the Wii controller right now, dissect the functionality and provide you with something pretty profound, but that wouldn’t be intellectually honest. I’m much less “wired into the industry” than I am wired into specific products.

To further the brutal honesty, I’ve hated Nintendo since the first time I saw “Mario Brothers”. Hate the console, hate the company, hate the games.

In regards to Microsoft, my gut tells me that, should the new-age Wii controller gain anything resembling “steam” with the gaming populace, Microsoft will follow suit in short order. I mean, it’s Microsoft. Who can’t see the intellectual property theft coming? You know who? Old people who have a hard time with email, and didn’t know that, before “Windows”, there was something called “MacOS”. Theft is Microsoft’s MO.

How’s that for a “wrong answer”?

“Did you follow the E3 2006 coverage? If so, what game most impressed you and hence, is one you’re anticipating the most right now? Why? If not, why didn’t you follow the coverage?”

No. While E3 is something that would certainly be entertaining to attend, I don’t see it as a particularly useful event in terms of gleaning hard, relevant information about upcoming titles. As a platform for whoring out new gaming consoles? Perhaps, however, I’m not much of a console fanboi. As an attendee, my primary interests would lay in upcoming software titles (where developers often outright lie), booth babes (which I hear they’re cutting down on, much to my chagrin), and toeing that fine line between walking drunk and staggering drunk.

“So what’ll it be - the 360, PS3, or Wii? Which do you think will make the most money over the next 10 years (I say 10 because, supposedly, that’s how long these things are going to be around)?”

Anything I say here will be, essentially, me talking out of my ass. Did I mention my lack of console enlightenment? Here goes, in any event:

Preliminarily, I’d have to give the hat-tip to the Wii, simply on the basis that the PS3 is so damnably expensive. Seriously, who wants to pay more for a Playstation than a personal computer? Not me, I assure you. I think that alone is enough to drive lucrative Christmas sales in Nintendo’s direction. And although the 360 was the first to make it to store shelves, based on Microsoft’s history in the console market, I don’t feel good about crowning them as the reigning gross-dollars champion in 2016. Sony is simply too much of a 700-pound gorilla in this market; history is on its side.

“And here’s a bonus just for kicks: if you could only own ONE online game, which would it be? Why?”

Well, regardless of whether you’re talking a title or an actual property, I have to say World of Warcraft. As a property, I can’t think of anything more profitable in the software industry. As a title, it turned my wife into a hardcore gamer, and gave us a mutual hobby to enjoy. Jeez, she had her second 60 before I did, even. Basically, it enriched my relationship with my spouse - what’s not to love about that?

“I want at least ONE writing sample. This could be two news stories (two because they’re shorter), a review (our format is preferable, but not required), a preview, any creative piece you’ve done in the past (short story, novellas, etc.) or some other substitute of ~1000 words (other than news stories, the most basic assignments here are 1k words in length, at least). Our editors should be able to see the basics of good English from your writing sample, i.e. good grammar structure, spelling, clarity, flow, and so on (a unique style at this point is a bonus but not a requirement, so don’t send something entirely stylistic and strange). Furthermore, make sure you’re proud of whatever you send in. Writers here are encouraged to take pride in their work because people across the globe view it, and it’s a good foundation for strong writing.”

Well. You can quickly access my entire body of public writing at my blog, http://danceswithidiots.blogspot.com ; however, I’m not sure I capped 500 words in any updates therein (although the total archived content should more than suit your review needs). If you surely need a single piece approaching that volume, I can include an old .txt file of some work I did on our WoW guild history, which was never completed. Just let me know and I’ll be happy to forward it along.

***

Thank you for your time and attention, Shiva. It’s my hope that, regardless of my acceptance (and based on your attention to console issues, I’m doubting it) that you found this submission at least as entertaining to read as it was to write. Good luck with your publication, and here’s hoping the paychecks start flowing for you guys sooner, rather than later.

Good luck!

Nate Francis
Lewiston, ME